You might have been in relationships that broke your heart, so you think you’re just “not good” at romance. But maybe those just weren’t the best partners for you.
Maybe you think you aren’t the type who can be loved. That’s for the rich and beautiful, you say. But in fact, everyone can love deeply and be loved deeply.
You don’t have to have a great track record to find Mr. or Ms. Right, and you don’t have to be wealthy, attractive or perfect. How you feel about YOU will determine what kind of person you attract.
Examining your own beliefs about yourself, then working to improve those beliefs, will make you magnetic to potential lovers. Nothing else will help you as much — and until you understand how your attitudes are either helping you attract the wrong people, or repel the right ones — nothing else will make a difference.
In Enjoying Loving Relationships from Ultimate Destiny University, you will find self-assessment questions that reveal your underlying attitudes about love in its many forms – from deep friendships to family ties to romantic bliss. You’ll also find material to help you understand the results, and references to the books that really make a difference — books that teach you not how to trap the mate you choose, but how to irresistibly attract the right one.
Can’t wait to start? Here are 10 things you can do in the next 10 days to take the first steps on the path toward falling in love. Read one item from this list each day and work on incorporating it into your life. As you add new skills, don’t forget to keep up the lessons from the earlier days.
These are subtle but important changes in perspective and behavior that will help you become the most successful person you can be.
- Stop negative talk. Decide that today, and from here on, that you will never describe your career in negative terms. Never again say, “I’ve been burned by love too many times” or “I always attract the men who want to hurt me.” Unless you actually want to keep getting hurt, stop sending energy to those negative concepts.
- Visualize. Take some time to form a mental picture of yourself as someone who is deeply loved and deeply in love. How do you feel when you look in the mirror? How do you feel when you look at your beloved? Develop the most complete picture you can of yourself as loving and lovable, and return to that image often throughout the day.
- Affirm. It’s not enough to just stop saying you’re bad at love; you must affirm that you are attracting all the right mates and only them. No matter what condition you are in at this moment, you have the power to claim a better condition. When you wake up in the morning, say aloud, “I know my love is waiting for me.” As you drive, repeat, “I attract the right mates, who want to love me for the right reasons and in the right way.” Before you retire at night, say aloud, “I now bid goodnight to my love, and I know we will meet soon.” Draw energy to that perfect vision of yourself by describing your vision in words – out loud – and often.
- Pray. If you’re not a religious type, or not sure you believe in God, then choose your higher self, a higher power, Nature, guardian angels, or whatever you think is “out there.” Ask for help in three parts: a request, an affirmation and a thank-you. “Spirit, please send me the man (woman) or my dreams. I have now met the perfect partner. Thank you, Spirit, for guiding me.”
- Write a goal. This is one area where it’s probably better not to give yourself a deadline. So don’t choose a goal such as “I’ll be married by my 30th birthday.” But do choose the goal of a happy marriage, if that’s important to you. Or choose the goal of being completely, madly in love – or of being in a great, fulfilling relationship that brings you great happiness. Picture yourself as you did in Day #2, and compress that into a goal: I will meet the partner of my dreams, and I’ll recognize that person when we meet, and I’ll have the courage to introduce myself. Now write it as if it’s happened: I met him (or her), we recognized each other, and we had the courage to pursue a relationship.
- Write a plan. To get from where you are to where you want to be will require action. Figure out some of the steps on that path. If you want to meet the right person, you have to be in situations where you meet people. Would it be best to change jobs to one where you deal with the public? Should you join a club or group? It doesn’t have to be a group dedicated to “matchmaking.” Any activity you do, from helping a political campaign to volunteering with a church, will help you cross paths with your loved one. Don’t stay at home all the time. That makes it too tough for the cupids of love to connect you with your love. Now write down the first step toward one part of your plan. If you decide to take a class, for example, decide on something that might interest you AND the one you (will) love, and find out where that subject is being taught. Use your intuition to help you, too.
- Feel grateful. It might sound counter-intuitive to be “thankful” for the new love in your life if you’re sitting alone on Saturday night. But that attitude of gratitude will help draw love to you. Thank your God, or life itself, that you have found the perfect mate, you’ve fallen in love and you are growing as a person. Khalil Gibran said love’s purpose is to deepen our understanding of love. Be grateful for the things you will learn about love.
- Forgive. This is a difficult step for many people, but it’s vital. Imagine: You will only be as happy as the person who broke your heart. If you now believe he or she treated you unfairly and ruined your chances of happiness, find a way to believe that they were doing the best they could do at the time. If they have moved on and remarried or fallen in love again, good for them – and good for the boost of motivation it has given you. If you believe you’re the one who blew it, forgive yourself, too. You did what you knew how to do then, and now you’re learning a better way.
- Release the past. Tied to forgiving is the idea of letting go of what was. You don’t have to be the way you’ve always been. If you’re used to thinking of yourself as unattractive, or as someone who attracts the “wrong type” of person, drop that thought now. Don’t say it and don’t think it. Be willing to reimagine yourself as someone loved and loving. Break the pattern and let go of the way things were before. You are born anew.
- Let joy in. Sometimes we become so intent on finding our perfect mate, we forget to notice the people who love us every day. We overlook the support we get from family and friends, even though that’s pure evidence that we are lovable. Or we get attention from someone who likes us, but to whom we’re not drawn. Appreciate every feeling of love that comes from within you or comes toward you. This awareness will attract more love. Joy is often fleeting; recognize it when it comes and savor it fully. It will return more often.
You have now spent 10 days unlearning bad habits, learning good ones, and adding activities to your day. See if you can keep them up for another 10 days, and then perfect them in the 10 days after that. Pray, visualize and affirm every day. Watch what you say and think, and keep yourself positive. Forgive those who wrong you and feel grateful for the things that go right. Keep writing down your goals and action plans, and put those plans into action! When you catch yourself clinging to old ways, let them go. And let yourself feel good about it!
One month from today, you’ll be headed in a whole new direction – toward the greatest love of your life.